People close to me know I’m a Christmas curmudgeon. They know I’m not exactly imbued with appreciation for what generally passes for Christmas “spirit” — giving gifts with little or no meaning; the pervasive air of “obligation” that people impart to the days leading up to Christmas; the lamenting of “I’ve got so much to do to get ready;” and the constant chirping of, “Have you got all your shopping done?” As if that’s what it’s really all about. Oh, wait. That is what it’s become: it’s not Christmas anymore, it’s Shopmas.

Don’t get me wrong: I love the nostalgic, full-hearted emotions that well up inside at the sound of Christmas songs and the sight of twinkling lights and trees, and I’m an especially big fan of Christmas Eve with close friends and family. But seriously, my skin crawls and my heart retracts when I’m confronted with what passes for the Christmas season in our contemporary culture.

How many times do we hear, “I have no idea what to get so-and-so?”

Really? It’s that hard? Maybe if it’s that difficult to be inspired by your friendship, bloodline, or cubicle coworker, just maybe you shouldn’t be buying them a gift. After all, there’s nothing less filled with the spirit of the season than giving a gift because you think you “have to.”

I completely disagree with the premise that “it’s the thought that counts.” It’s not the thought that counts when there is no thought given.

What if we only gave gifts that we were really excited about giving? And what if we only — here’s a novel concept — gave them to people we truly wanted to give gifts to, as opposed to because we drew their name from a hat or they gave us something first or because we want to “look” generous.

A gift — a real gift — springs from the innermost part of our souls. It’s an idea that bubbles into your consciousness based on your friendship, your experience working with someone, your understanding of the dreams and hopes and sometimes needs and wants of a beloved family member. It’s this delicious, delighted feeling of knowing exactly what will knock the socks off of someone and then making that happen.

Most of us just want to know that we’re heard. Gifts that reflect that we’ve actually listened to someone throughout the year — those score big. And even more of us would value the gift of time with someone we love – to reminisce over a family photo album, listen to carols, or take a drive to look at Christmas lights — far and above any kind of gift that can be put in a box and wrapped up.

What if, instead of buying presents for our children, we had them gather up gently used items of their own and take them to other children in need. What if, instead of giving a pair of socks or a gift certificate to our younger brother , we instead wrote a letter full of life advice. What if, instead of buying our mothers yet another bathrobe, we took them on a drive to see Christmas lights, or we planned a special day just one-on-one to listen and ask questions about who they really are. What if instead of doing yet another round of blah-blah-blah unwrapping of gifts with no real meaning, we took all that money and time and collectively donated to a cause we could all really get behind? For one family it might mean donating to support medical research, for another, it might mean spending Christmas Eve handing out blankets or serving in a soup kitchen.

I just wonder, what would happen in the world this Christmas if we gave ONLY gifts of love and charity and peace and goodwill — in other words, if we only gave the gifts that equal, truly, the spirit of Christmas? We might give a lot fewer gifts, we might give more. But I guarantee you, they would go straight from our hearts to the hearts of someone else.

And isn’t that what Christmas is all about?